I know I see him through rose colored lenses, but I feel so lucky to have him in my life.
He works late every night on our farm putting up our shed. I usually keep Kate at my parent's house and hang out there so I am not alone every night. Tonight we all get home at 9pm. I left Kate in the carseat since she was sleeping and Dan and I sorted through the office clutter. When we were done, Dan went to the kitchen (where Kate was in her carseat) to eat his reheated pizza. He then sits down by her carseat on the kitchen floor to eat his pizza. He just stares at her. It melts my heart. I love this guy.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Oh yeah...
This had something to do with why I have not been blogging as well....
I mean seriously....Is that not the cutest little girl ever :)
30 er...4 day shred.
So I told my friend I had nothing to blog about (hence the hiatus) and she told me to blog about The Shred...she didn't know I was loser and quit.
That's right 4 days and I fell of the bandwagon. With a resounding thud. It started out good...like I was telling everyone about my awesome results. I mean I could fit into my favorite capris again...finally! That should be motivation to keep going right. Well apparently not for me. I had all the best intentions but they weren't good enough. Because it took one day of being unable to work out and I was done. Toast.
I do recommend it if You are looking for a good workout because she is kick ass.
And that's all I have to say about that.
That's right 4 days and I fell of the bandwagon. With a resounding thud. It started out good...like I was telling everyone about my awesome results. I mean I could fit into my favorite capris again...finally! That should be motivation to keep going right. Well apparently not for me. I had all the best intentions but they weren't good enough. Because it took one day of being unable to work out and I was done. Toast.
I do recommend it if You are looking for a good workout because she is kick ass.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Friday, July 16, 2010
What can happen in 100 days?
You can enter a totally new world.
Meet a new best friend.
Fight for a cause.
Wrap Daddy around your finger.
Learn to smile.
Play with all your friends, Mandi and Pandi.
Fall in Love with the song Jackson.
Hold your head up (high).
Sleep through the night.
Recognize your loved ones.
Give Mommy the “Really” look (can’t wait for the teenage years).
Sit in a Bumbo.
Laugh so hard, your paci falls out.
I hasn't always been easy, but I love you so much little girl. And I will love you forever. and ever.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Grrrr. Messed up Blog
Sorry. I screwed up my blog. I am going to try to fix it today...this is what I get for trying to create my own background etc.
Monday, July 12, 2010
2 Portraits of Love
Example #1: I went to my best friend's wedding this weekend. She was of course everything a bride should be: Beautiful, Radiant, and Happy. And her husband....Oh he was so happy. I don't think there is a better part of a wedding then seeing the groom's goofy smile seeing his bride walk down the aisle. And he had it. The big goofy grin. It reminded me of the tears in Dan's eyes as he took my hand that day. Love it.
Example #2: I have always grown up with outdoor dogs, living on a farm and all. And the last one we had was Charlie. Charlie was a total lover. But refused to go to the vet, or even in the car. He was a free spirit who loved to swim beside you in the lake. My dad got Annie as a hunting dog. Before we got her she was very abused from training. She still has her tail between her legs. But she is a lover too. Accidentally, they had offspring. My dog Molly is one of them :) Anyway, Charlie died of old age this year after a life of freedom and happiness. Yesterday, I noticed among the weeds where he is buried, there is a matted area right where Charlie is buried. Annie sleeps there at night now. She has never slept there before. What a testament of love. She misses her best friend, the father of her children, and her play buddy.
I loved to see these portraits of love and remember the love I have for my husband.
Example #2: I have always grown up with outdoor dogs, living on a farm and all. And the last one we had was Charlie. Charlie was a total lover. But refused to go to the vet, or even in the car. He was a free spirit who loved to swim beside you in the lake. My dad got Annie as a hunting dog. Before we got her she was very abused from training. She still has her tail between her legs. But she is a lover too. Accidentally, they had offspring. My dog Molly is one of them :) Anyway, Charlie died of old age this year after a life of freedom and happiness. Yesterday, I noticed among the weeds where he is buried, there is a matted area right where Charlie is buried. Annie sleeps there at night now. She has never slept there before. What a testament of love. She misses her best friend, the father of her children, and her play buddy.
I loved to see these portraits of love and remember the love I have for my husband.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Now that it's over..
I can talk about it. It is funny how much easier it is to talk about things AFTER they happen. I guess I feel that once it is over, I am not at risk and I will be okay.
Example #1: I am not near as ashamed to talk about my miscarriage now that I have a baby. Maybe ashamed isn't the word. I realize it happened from nothing I did, but I felt my body was less than superior for not being able to carry a baby....I mean a woman's body is meant to carry babies...right? And this was something that had no rhyme nor reason...it was nothing I could fix. That is something I just simply cannot handle...so I chose to keep it quiet and keep most all feelings inside..Some knew about my miscarriage, but I didn't want to talk about it... I still don't, really, but I am more open to the fact that it just happens..And I mostly feel this way because I was able to carry and deliver a healthy baby the next pregnancy. I know some people had medical reasons for not carrying a baby, but I was not one of them. I WANTED a reason, I WANTED something to be wrong with me. I wanted to tell people a reason. I mean Let's face it, when you hear something horrible on the news, you want a reason for it...Like if there was a reason you could protect yourself and your loved one's from some terrible fate.
Example #2: I dealt with a smidgen of Postpartum Depression. This is what I mean by smidgen: I never had thoughts of hurting my little girl and I did everything I could to take care of her. But I had doubts about my ability to mother her. If I was gone away from her longer than expected, I felt selfish and I felt as if I was depriving her and it would cause me a great deal of anxiety. My mind was over come with trying to get back to her. In the same breath, I didn't feel like she was my child. I didn't feel like I loved her the way my husband did, I just carried all the responsibility. I was jealous of his immediate love for her. Everyone was crazy about her...why wasn't I head over heels. I loved her in the way a mother loves a child. But I felt I was the one carrying the burden. I was in charge of feeding her, which in the early months is quite a task. I took care of her during the day. Some days we didn't leave the bed. I wanted to get out, I wanted interaction. I didn't want to be stuck in the bed all day long, but I didn't feel like I could get up and moving..I wanted someone else to carry the burden of mothering my child...I felt I wasn't fit, especially because I was thinking these things.
After almost 3 months, I am totally unequivocally in love with my little girl. I love my cuddle time. I LOVE breastfeeding her. I love to be with her. I miss her when I am away. I cannot kiss the top of her sweet little head enough. Now I know that no one could be the mother of my child. I am the one lucky enough to be her mommy. I finally feel what I have wanted to feel.
And just like my miscarriage, this is normal, nothing I did. It is my crazy whacked out hormones.
And now I will post this before I delete it all..
Example #1: I am not near as ashamed to talk about my miscarriage now that I have a baby. Maybe ashamed isn't the word. I realize it happened from nothing I did, but I felt my body was less than superior for not being able to carry a baby....I mean a woman's body is meant to carry babies...right? And this was something that had no rhyme nor reason...it was nothing I could fix. That is something I just simply cannot handle...so I chose to keep it quiet and keep most all feelings inside..Some knew about my miscarriage, but I didn't want to talk about it... I still don't, really, but I am more open to the fact that it just happens..And I mostly feel this way because I was able to carry and deliver a healthy baby the next pregnancy. I know some people had medical reasons for not carrying a baby, but I was not one of them. I WANTED a reason, I WANTED something to be wrong with me. I wanted to tell people a reason. I mean Let's face it, when you hear something horrible on the news, you want a reason for it...Like if there was a reason you could protect yourself and your loved one's from some terrible fate.
Example #2: I dealt with a smidgen of Postpartum Depression. This is what I mean by smidgen: I never had thoughts of hurting my little girl and I did everything I could to take care of her. But I had doubts about my ability to mother her. If I was gone away from her longer than expected, I felt selfish and I felt as if I was depriving her and it would cause me a great deal of anxiety. My mind was over come with trying to get back to her. In the same breath, I didn't feel like she was my child. I didn't feel like I loved her the way my husband did, I just carried all the responsibility. I was jealous of his immediate love for her. Everyone was crazy about her...why wasn't I head over heels. I loved her in the way a mother loves a child. But I felt I was the one carrying the burden. I was in charge of feeding her, which in the early months is quite a task. I took care of her during the day. Some days we didn't leave the bed. I wanted to get out, I wanted interaction. I didn't want to be stuck in the bed all day long, but I didn't feel like I could get up and moving..I wanted someone else to carry the burden of mothering my child...I felt I wasn't fit, especially because I was thinking these things.
After almost 3 months, I am totally unequivocally in love with my little girl. I love my cuddle time. I LOVE breastfeeding her. I love to be with her. I miss her when I am away. I cannot kiss the top of her sweet little head enough. Now I know that no one could be the mother of my child. I am the one lucky enough to be her mommy. I finally feel what I have wanted to feel.
And just like my miscarriage, this is normal, nothing I did. It is my crazy whacked out hormones.
And now I will post this before I delete it all..
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