No good news.

Went to the dr. yesterday for my 2nd appt (10 weeks). Two nurses couldn't find a heartbeat, so they brought the dr. in. She couldn't find the heartbeat...This is when I started to worry. She asked me if I was sure about my dates...I am OCD...of course I am. Went straight into the sono room. I saw the baby, without a heartbeat. It died at around 9 weeks. The image of the baby is what haunts me. I wish the screen would have been turned the other way. I had absolutely no signs of miscarriage. I can't believe it. No bleeding, No cramping. I called Dan crying from the sono room. I just wish he was home. It is so hard. I feel jaded now. I don't know if I can be excited about another pregnancy...or just be scared. It is so early, my hurt is so raw. I just need time and peace. I wish the baby would pass naturally before my d&c on Monday. I want closure. This weekend I need to put my baby books and afghans in a box. I know it could be a lot worse, but when I see all the people that this doesn't happen to....Why me???